Cram Jammery!

Gather together a collective sample of people who dislike the Twilight saga.

First, remove the people who have read it, but dislike it simply because they didn’t enjoy it as a story.

Once those three people are gone, haul out the Vampire purists who are upset about sparkles and prefer their villains to drain the blood of their victims while they moan in orgasm before death.

What you will most likely have left is that remarkable group of people who feel that Stephenie Meyer’s characters are poor role models for young girls.

Recently, I heard from someone that had not read the novels but had gathered the following:

-Bella held out on sex until they were married.

-Edward and Bella had very violent sex on their wedding night.

-Bella was only concerned whether it was “good for him”.

-What kind of message does this send to YOUNG GIRLS!?

Sigh.  I’m going to save time and energy and ignore much of the inaccuracies and try-too-hard feminist viewpoints, and focus mainly on the last point.

And let me qualify with this: I enjoyed the Twilight books.  I’m not afraid to admit it. However, no, I do not think they make literary history and I do not think they are the best things ever written.  I am able to enjoy them (and other books) because when you lighten the hell up, you have the magic ability to enjoy much of the literature that comes along in this world.

Now, can we please stop shoving every book, movie, or musical artist into the confining space of “role model” territory.

“Young girls” should be encouraged to take the time to learn about themselves, make their own mistakes and begin to define who they are based on their own observations.

Nobody, fact or fiction, should be considered a role model.

Everyone is totally screwed up, all the time.

Anyone who claims otherwise is a liar, a moron, or, at the very least, highly uninteresting.  Each of which makes you a terrible role model for young girls.

If we are going to insist that the Twilight Saga is a set of rule books on which girls should base their life without question, what message DOES the Cullen wedding night send?

That a husband and wife can have the roughest sex they like on their wedding night provided that there is mutual consent and that they were both able to enjoy it.

Rough sex is not rape, people.  And if that’s what they wanted to do, so be it.

Basically…relax.

Is there a more fitting book out there that should be mentoring these impressionable females?

How about Pride & Prejudice?  Like many people, this is one of my favorite classic novels.  It’s easy to enjoy, and much like Twilight, it tickle’s my romance bone.

But, role model? Not for MY nonexistent daughters! (or Not in THIS house or GET OF MY LAWN)

Let’s just say that in the future I do have a daughter, let’s call her Elizabeth Bennet, just for shiggles, and let’s say she’s getting OLD, like 20 years old, and she’s not yet solved the problem of my lack of funds by marrying well.

Well, at one of the town balls, where the community attempts to sell their daughters to wealthy men, she meets a total dick.  Let’s call him Mr. Darcy.

He’s not interested in her because she’s both poor and not pretty enough to tempt him.

After casually meeting a couple of times and being enticed by Elizabeth’s “fine eyes”, he decides he MUST propose marriage against his better judgement.

She denies him (good girl!), but eventually marries him (aww) because he might not actually be as much of a dick as we previously thought.  Plus he’s rich, and Elizabeth’s 21st year is coming faster than we realize.  At least, she’s no longer my problem.

We don’t get to hear about their wedding night.  It may have been rough, it may have gentle and quick, but the point is that it doesn’t matter what either one of them thought about it.  There are a long list of atrocities that are preferable to the open discussion of sex when it comes to literature.

My point here, if you’re still reading, is that neither Jane Austen nor Stephenie Meyer should be relied upon to mentor your daughters.  Books are for entertainment, and making all the right choices in life, or, more likely, adhering to some moral code written by someone with too much time on their hands, is not that entertaining.

Let’s teach young girls how to grow into mature girls by learning to know themselves.  You can’t know what’s best in life without knowing how you’ll fit best within it.  And really, you can’t know those things without totally jacking stuff up once in a while.  Do what you want to do and learn what you can from it.

If all else fails, and you find yourself at the age of 20 with no husband, you might get lucky and Mr. Collins will have a cousin.

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By the way, the title of this blog is a reference to the very funny “I don’t know anything about this but…” meme that was all around twitter the other day, particularly on Wil Wheaton’s twitter.

If you are not following @wilw on twitter, you should be.  He’s both hilarious and a wonderful role model for young girls.